Explaining to Kids: Why "Went to Sleep" is a Dangerous Phrase

We want to protect our kids, so we say: *"Buddy got sick and went to sleep."*

**Please stop.**

To a 5-year-old, this means: *If I get sick and go to sleep, I might die too.* It creates bedtime anxiety.

Age-Appropriate Scripts

Toddlers (Under 5): Keep it biological.

"Buddy's body stopped working. His heart stopped beating and he doesn't breathe anymore. He doesn't feel any pain, but he can't wake up."

*Key concepts:* Broken mechanism, no pain, permanent.

School Age (6-10): Be honest about the cause.

"The doctors did everything they could / He was very old, and his body couldn't stay alive anymore. We are all very sad because we miss him, and it's okay to cry."

*Key concepts:* Irreversibility, emotional validation.

The "Cremation" Question

If they ask what happens to the body:

*Don't say:* "We burn him." (Too scary)

*Say:* "They use very high heat to turn his body into soft powder, like sand at the beach. We can keep the powder in a special box."

Next Steps Checklist

Use the words "died" or "dead." It feels harsh, but it's clear.

Avoid euphemisms ("passed away," "lost," "sleeping").

Let them draw a picture or write a letter to put in the box/grave.

Expect weird questions ("Are his eyes still open?"). Answer simply and honestly.

Age-Appropriate Scripts

Toddlers (Under 5): Keep it biological.

"Buddy's body stopped working. His heart stopped beating and he doesn't breathe anymore. He doesn't feel any pain, but he can't wake up."

*Key concepts:* Broken mechanism, no pain, permanent.

School Age (6-10): Be honest about the cause.

"The doctors did everything they could / He was very old, and his body couldn't stay alive anymore. We are all very sad because we miss him, and it's okay to cry."

*Key concepts:* Irreversibility, emotional validation.

Explaining to Kids: Why "Went to Sleep" is a Dangerous Phrase

Age-Appropriate Scripts

Toddlers (Under 5): Keep it biological.

School Age (6-10): Be honest about the cause.

The "Cremation" Question

Next Steps Checklist

Related Articles

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Coping with Pet Loss: A Guide to Grief

The 5 Stages of Grief After Pet Loss

Ready to Find a Provider?

Explaining to Kids: Why "Went to Sleep" is a Dangerous Phrase

Age-Appropriate Scripts

Toddlers (Under 5): Keep it biological.

School Age (6-10): Be honest about the cause.

The "Cremation" Question

Next Steps Checklist

Related Articles

Helping Children Understand Pet Loss

Coping with Pet Loss: A Guide to Grief

The 5 Stages of Grief After Pet Loss

Ready to Find a Provider?