When Partners Grieve Differently: Navigating Pet Loss Together
You're crying on the kitchen floor and they're folding laundry. Did they even love your pet? Here's what's really happening.
This one can really sting. You're crying on the kitchen floor and they're folding laundry or watching TV, and a thought shoots through you: *Did they even love our pet?*
People grieve in different directions
Neither is automatically "more loving." The person who seems fine might be compartmentalizing to function. The person who can't stop crying might process everything externally.
A useful middle ground
Ask for something specific instead of asking them to grieve like you:
About getting a new pet
Don't rush into a new pet to patch the hole if one of you isn't ready. A new animal deserves to be welcomed, not recruited as a bandage. Have the conversation openly: "When do you think you might be ready? What would feel right?"
When it becomes a bigger problem
If the grief mismatch is causing real relationship strain, consider a few sessions with a couples counselor. It's not about "who's right"—it's about understanding each other's process.